Did her heart just sing? (part 3)

The small creature liked the alley he lived in. During the day he hid himself between the piles of garbage, but at night time he came out to watch the whores whore. He had the sexual maturity of a seven year old suburbanian kid, but watching the girls somehow gave him a warm fuzzy feeling in his stomach. Stomach. He looked at the stranger again. He had never seen him before, but he seemed different from all the other men who came to see the girls here. He talked to the girls, but didn't get into a car with them. The small creature felt there was something dangerous about this stranger, and everytime he saw the man's hands caress his belly, he felt the hairs on his neck and back stand up straight. The creature didn't know the exact definition of danger, but he sensed that this man somehow meant problems. Not knowing what to do in this situation, he scurried back to his garbage, leaving a little peephole so he could watch his favourite girl. Love was something the creature couldn't possibly comprehend, but he did know he had to see this girl as much as possible. Watching her get into a car with a slighlty bald businessman, he suddenly got angry. Not paying attention to the possibility of people seeing him, he hurried to the car and clang on to the back of the car. He had to follow her. He had to have her. For the first time ever a Worther had feelings of lust. Gently touching his until now so useless reproductive organ and grinning a wicked smile, the creature and the car disappeared into the night.

In a different universe, on a different line of time, a group of elderly Worthers looked victorious. Their experiment was finally starting to become interesting.

A man in an alley, caressing his stomach, could have sworn he saw a small dark creature rushing by him and disappear under a brand new BMW. "It's happening... it's about to happen... I'll have to hurry, only three more days..." the man mumbled, after which he hurried away, desperately looking for a phonebooth.

(to be continued...)

Take What You Don't Need (part 2)

When you think back, you still feel horrified about the experience. You knew it was going to happen though. You have spent your whole life preparing for the moment. And still it went wrong. 'If only one could alter the timelines of this world...' you start to think out loud, almost immediately realizing the stupidity of 'if' questions. You caress your belly with a touch of nostalgia in your eyes. Metal in an embrace of leathery skin. Why your stomach? Why not your lungs? Or your heart for that matter. Would an iron heart block you from emotions? You gently let your fingers caress your triangular HSM-tattoo and you slip away into wandering thoughts, not noticing the small creature staring at you with an intent gaze from a hole in a nearby fence.

(to be continued...)

Give what you don't have (Part 1)

Sincerity to be found in lovely lit alleys -at least when the pimps have gone away and you promise the hookers a life of safety. Everything they tell you is everything you have already heard, nonetheless you feign interest, as to make a movie about their heartfelt stories. You pretend to listen to them, to comfort them. You tell them everything will be OK and as soon as those words leave your mouth, your stomach protests to the lie. Counting back, you realize you only have three more days left. Three more days until that damn chip in your stomach will explode, which will most definitely the end of your relationship with this world.

(to be continued...)

A memory of memorial moments

(Written some time ago, in a galaxy not too far away... )

I found myself sitting in my brother's car this evening, right when the memoriam started for the victims of World War II. We parked the car on the side of the road and listened to the two minutes of silence that are held annually on the 4th of May.

The silence somehow seemed so more meaningful this year than other ones, at least to me. A silence cloaked in the sound of wind and rain. I followed the raindrops dripping down on the windshield, fighting the wind on their way down. All that could be heard was the rain and the wind. Perfect sound of nature to remember the victims of one of the most brutal acts of mankind. And it made me so sad. Not necessarily the WWII rememberance an sich, but the entire picture that filled up my head.

I thought about love. How it once slumbered somewhere deep within my heart, until it was awakened by a certain spark. How it then peacefully dwelled on the surface of my soul. How it was bombed to a thousand pieces, fighting to survive. Fighting against enemies that once were beloved ones, fighting betrayal and knives in backs, fighting against the loss of reason, against an overwhelming hostility.

How it eventually survived, deeply scarred, emotionally broken, dried up and completely devoid of trust. How it tries its fucking hardest to cling on to that tiny spark of hope still to be found deep within. How it realises it has to learn to trust again. How it realises living in the past and holding on to grudges doesn't get anyone anywhere.

And I realised how difficult just that is.

And I thought about The Perks of Being a Wallflower. How Charlie wonders why broken hearts have to be so personal, since someone else would have broken your heart if it wouldn't have been that particular person.

And I thought about the millions of personal tragedies during war. Of the millions of personal tragedies today, anywhere. And I had to fight my tears because it really made me so sad.

So I looked at the rain, listened to the silence, and felt really bad for this world we have created.

And all I hope for right now is a smile from anyone, just a heartfelt smile, sparkling into my eyes. Because then I will know that hope is still alive, within this world, within my heart.

I haven't felt like this in so long
Wrong, in a sense too far gone from love
Strong, I haven't felt like this in so long
Wrong, in a sense too far gone from love
That don't last forever
Something's gotta turn out right
   -Alice in Chains

Berlijn van nu het Mokum van morgen

Tomorrow is Now, Kid! - Sugar Factory, 25 februari 2011

Berlijn kwam naar Amsterdam en dat belooft normaal gesproken wat als het om electronische muziek gaat. Waar Amsterdam in deze regionen zich op dance gebied toch zeker een metropool mag noemen, lijkt de echte vernieuwing al weer een tijdje bij onze oosterburen vandaan te komen. Zowel op gebied van house, techno of dikke elektropunk, de Duitsers weten er niet alleen raad mee, ze weten er vaak ook nog eens een jaar eerder raad mee dan de rest van de wereld. Dus als de organisatie van Tomorrow is Now Kid! een Berlijnse avond belooft in de Sugar Factory dan, wel, dan belooft dat wat.

Na eerder op de avond ongelooflijk afgedroogd te zijn met zaalvoetballen (een kansloze 0-9 nederlaag) was de hoop dan ook gevestigd op een mooi house avondje. Op het programma stonden artiesten van het Berlijnse bureau Lila Wunderland: Timos en Christopher Lawrenz. Deze jonge Duitsers zagen eruit alsof ze geboren en getogen waren in een smerige Duitse technobunker en ze hadden de taak gekregen de Sugar Factory op deze vrijdag vol te laten lopen en te laten zweten en uit haar voegen te laten barsten. Helaas voor hen was de club matig gevuld, en ondanks dat ik tegen een paar vrienden bleef volhouden dat 'het nu toch wel langzaam begint vol te stromen' stroomde de club niet erg vol. Tot een uur of half twee leek de Sugar meer op een verlaten Berlijn tijdens de oorlog, waar een aantal mensen verdwaald rondliepen door lege platgebombardeerde straten. Tijdens de februari-staking waren er meer mensen op de been. Gelukkig konden de aanwezigen wel ritmisch door de verlaten straten bewegen, want Timos trok zich weinig aan van het gebeuren om hem heen en draaide een erg fijne set. Als we Berlijn als het morgen van nu kunnen zien, dan kunnen we een terugkeer naar elementen van jaren negentig house verwachten. Veel opbeurende en hoge tonen, vermengd met een licht gruizig ondertoontje. De mensen in de zaal konden het waarderen, en zowaar leek de zaal om twee uur toch enigszins vol te stromen...

  TIMOS (VINYL ONLY) DJ SET 23-10-10 Sonido Rec Labelnight @ Manga Club Jena by Timos (Sonido Records)

...maar dat was misschien iets te optimistisch gesteld. Hoewel, er stonden rond die tijd wel voldoende mensen om een klein feestje mee te bouwen, en dat was ook precies wat Christopher Lawrenz van plan was. Hij zette zowel wat meer hoge opbeurende tonen in als meer smerige gruizige tonen. De stadsdeelvoorzitter van Noord, Rob Post, mag dan wel besloten hebben om de Bunker op de NDSM-werf te verbieden, Lawrenz zette hier in het centrum zijn eigen bunker neer. Ondertussen was de Sugar Factory volgestroomd met het voetbalteam dat mijn team eerder die avond met 0-9 had afgedroogd. Waarom ook niet. Hier in Berlijn op de Lijnbaansgracht gold geen rivaliteit deze nacht. Tegen drie uur wreef ik eens goed in mijn ogen en besefte ik dat de Sugar Factory toch echt nog steeds niet volgestroomd was en ook niet meer ging volstromen. Toch zonde dat niet meer mensen hier naar binnen zijn gedoken, want de muziek was erg fijn deze avond. Maar het was mooi geweest, Berlijn heeft gedag gezegd en zal spoedig terugkeren in alle Amsterdamse kieren en gaten en grachten en straten. Want het Berlijn van nu, dat is het Mokum van morgen.

  Bruch & Junior - Runway To Kenia by Stil vor Talent